Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
