Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
