My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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