I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
