It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
