ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
