So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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