remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
