Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
