He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
