her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
