She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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