guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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