Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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