Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
