my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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