Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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