I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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