On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
