I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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