Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
