so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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