JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
