Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
