those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize