dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
