Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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