I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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