I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
