yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
