I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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