is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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