I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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