I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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