i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
