I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
