I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I am one with the molecules
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
