Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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