Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
