Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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