dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
