he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
