shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
