how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize