Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
