someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
