I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
