direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
