I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
