I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
