i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
