So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
