she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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