I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
