Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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