I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
