I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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