I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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