Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
