We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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