The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize