I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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