Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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