How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
