My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
