anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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