I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
