I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize