Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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